8. Art.

“It’s time for the Bravo Picture Show!” exclaims Blondie every afternoon after school, and when she does, Mummy Cool and I know we’re in for a treat. One by one, our budding artist presents us with her works of surrealist wonderment, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say we often found ourselves struggling to keep a straight face.


Now I know laughing at children’s artwork is a bit like shooting ducks in a barrel, but hear me out. We love Blondie’s drawings, and it’s not a case of chuckling at the crude sketches because, shock horror, a five-year-old can’t draw as well as an adult. It’s just that the Bravo Picture Show really does offer an insight into the weird and wonderful mind of Blondie, and sometimes it’s the messages she writes next to the drawings that we really struggle not to laugh at.


For example, this week she drew a terrifying-looking woman with red eyes, purple hair, a tiny nose (I’m not going to say what it resembles…) and huge lips. Next to her is the statement “Hi Margret Linswuth”.  She presented this to me the morning of my birthday, while doing a strange sort of tribal dance.  Blondie has always had a way at making very ordinary names sound funny, which dates right back to her first few years, in which she couldn’t help but crack up whenever she heard her Nanna mention the name of a family friend: Jackie Burns.  One day she presented me with a sheet of paper containing nothing but the password to remain a teenager. It said “HAPPY DUMPLIN”.


For Valentine’s Day she sent me a very sweet homemade card, but when I opened it a message, scrawled in huge letters, some accidentally written backwards, stated “To Daddy I Love You So Much That I could scream”. It created a slightly disturbing affect, resembling the type of thing an unhinged stalker might send.  But that’s my cynical old mind’s problem, because Blondie did this out of love, and most of her art is full of happy, smiley self-portraits and loving messages for us, so the best thing about the Bravo Picture Show is that it probably proves she’s happy and we’re doing something right. Although occasionally a negative one slips through, such as two mermaids in cages, being held by what looks like a human-sized carrot…


Another immense positive to take away from Blondie’s art – the noise levels drop. Blondie and Red sat at the dining room table scribbling away is probably the only time there’s any quiet in the house until they go to sleep.  Sadly though, Red has yet to learn the boundaries of drawing, and thinks it’s perfectly fine to create pictures on tables and kitchen surfaces.


The only other downside to the art of our children is when something goes wrong. God help us if she uses the wrong shade of yellow in the sun, or gets a spelling wrong and realises. Then the paper becomes a deadly weapon, threatening to slit our faces as it flies through the air.


And anyway, who am I to laugh at the Bravo Picture Show – she’s way more creative than me. Long may Blondie’s imagination run riot.

DADDY UNCOOL: Parent Blog has been written by a local East Riding dad, check him out on Twitter @Daddyuncoolblog and daddyuncool on Facebook